This year a few of us decided to organise a Polish carol sing-along afternoon. It’s a tradition I’ve always loved. Songs, stories, and that soft Christmas feeling you can’t quite explain but you know when it’s there.
To make it richer, we planned three short Christmas readings. I asked my kids and one of their friends if they would read them. They’ve spoken in front of groups before, but this would be the first time they read something in Polish in a larger gathering.
Living in the UK, we speak Polish at home, but school life pulls them into English. So reading in Polish is a different kind of workout. Lots of tricky sounds. Lots of tongue gymnastics. We didn’t want to stress them, so rehearsals were light and a bit chaotic. We laughed more than we read.
And then my son reached one sentence and completely lost it.
Proper, tears-in-his-eyes laughter. Situation that helped me shifting from perception to perspective. Let’s dive in.
The rehearsal moment
At first I didn’t get it. We still had a long way to go in the text, and I felt that old parental urge rising. The one that wants to say, “Come on, be serious now. We need to finish.”
But then a small memory flashed up. Ted Lasso saying:
“Be curious, not judgmental.”
So I paused.
And I asked him, “What’s so funny?”
He tried to catch his breath. The line he was reading said:
“They entered the house and saw the Child with His Mother, Mary; they fell down on their face and paid Him homage.”
He pointed at the phrase “fell down on their face.” Which obviously meant “they bowed down” … and suddenly I saw what he saw when he demonstrated. Not a solemn moment from a Christmas story, but a full-on Jiu Jitsu face-plant. Exactly the kind of move we practice together, since we both love that sport.
And now it was my turn to laugh. Rehearsal ended right there.
What Ted Lasso taught me about curiosity
That moment reminded me of how fast we move into judgement when something doesn’t make sense to us. Because we use our perception. And how quickly things soften when we choose curiosity instead. When we switch to perspective. At home. At work. Anywhere people try to understand each other.
That small rehearsal moment stayed with me longer than I expected. I kept thinking about how different the afternoon would have been if I had leaned into judgement instead of curiosity. One path would have tightened the mood. The other opened it. This was one of those small choices that changed the whole journey.
It’s the same thing Ted Lasso was getting at with that line, “Be curious, not judgmental.”
It sounds simple, almost too simple. But it’s one of those rules that grows bigger the more you sit with it.
Perception vs Perspective
Most tension in conversations doesn’t come from what’s said. It comes from the story we think we’re hearing.
That’s perception.
It’s our default lens.
It’s shaped by the things we remember, the things we fear, and the things we haven’t quite sorted out yet. Perception is personal. It’s rarely neutral. And it’s very sticky.
Perspective is different.
Perspective asks you to give someone the benefit of a tiny pause.
A breath.
A question.
In that rehearsal moment, my perception said: “He’s not taking this seriously. We’ll never get through this.”
But perspective whispered: “Maybe there’s something here you don’t see yet.”
And the moment I leaned into perspective, the whole scene changed.
His laughter made sense.
We connected instead of clashing.
The rehearsal turned from a task into a memory deposit, ready to pay dividend later.
This shift shows up everywhere: at work, in families, in leadership, in friendships. We think we’re reacting to reality, but we’re often reacting to our own perception of it.
How perception traps us
When we operate from perception alone:
- We fill in gaps with our own story
- We react to what we think is happening, not what actually is
- We miss context, nuance, and the other person’s reality
- We close conversations before they can really open
- We prioritize being right over understanding
How perspective opens us
When we choose perspective:
- We pause before reacting
- We get curious about what we don’t know
- We ask questions instead of making statements
- We create space for connection
- We give others (and ourselves) room to be human
Tactical Empathy in practice
Chris Voss has a term for what helps bridge this gap: Tactical Empathy.
It’s the ability to recognize what the other person might be feeling, even if you don’t agree with their stance. You’re not giving up your view. You’re just opening the door to theirs.
Small sentences like:
“It seems like this is important to you.”
“It looks like there’s more underneath this.”
“It sounds like something here is hitting a nerve.”
Simple. Human. And effective.
Curiosity turns down the heat.
Perspective brings the room back together.
These phrases do something powerful: they acknowledge the other person’s experience without requiring you to agree with it. They create breathing room in tense moments. They signal that you’re willing to understand, not just to be understood.
In a team setting, this might sound like:
- “I’m sensing some hesitation about this approach. What am I missing?”
- “It feels like we’re not quite aligned here. Help me understand your view.”
At home with family:
- “That reaction tells me something matters here. What is it?”
- “I can see this is hitting you differently than I expected. Talk to me.”
The magic isn’t in the exact words. It’s in the genuine curiosity behind them.
When curiosity becomes a leadership tool
The same dynamic that played out in that Christmas rehearsal shows up in my work as a leader every single day.
Looking back at that moment, I realize it wasn’t just about managing a rehearsal with my son. It was about leadership.
Because this is what leaders do every day: navigate moments where perception and perspective diverge. Where what we think is happening might not match what’s actually unfolding.
The best leaders I’ve worked with, the ones who built real trust with their teams, were masters at this shift. They didn’t rush to judgement. Rather, they got curious first. They asked more questions than they made statements. And, they created space for people to bring their full selves, including the parts that didn’t make immediate sense.
And here’s what I’ve noticed: that curiosity doesn’t make you weak or indecisive. It makes you more effective. Because you’re working with reality, not your assumption of it.
Lessons Learned From This Coffee Journey
- Your perception is not reality: What you think is happening is filtered through your own experiences, fears, and expectations. It’s worth checking.
- Curiosity disarms tension: The moment I asked “What’s so funny?” instead of pushing for seriousness, the whole dynamic shifted. Questions open doors that statements keep closed.
- Perspective requires a pause: Between stimulus and response, there’s a gap. That’s where perspective lives. Use it.
- Tactical empathy creates connection: Acknowledging what someone else might be feeling doesn’t mean agreeing with them. It means seeing them. That’s powerful.
- Leaders who rush to judgment miss what’s actually happening: The best leaders create room for people to be understood before being evaluated. That space makes all the difference.
- Small moments teach big lessons: A Jiu Jitsu face-plant during Christmas rehearsal became a reminder about how I want to show up – as a parent, as a leader, as a person. These moments matter.
That rehearsal ended early, but what we gained was worth far more than getting through the text. We gained a memory. We gained connection. And I gained a reminder: stay curious, not judgmental.
Because when we choose curiosity, we choose connection.
And connection is what matters most – in leadership, in parenting, in life.
Do you have moments where choosing curiosity over judgement changed the outcome? How do you practice switching from perception to perspective in your leadership or family life? I’d love to hear your story. If this resonated with you, please share it with someone who might need this reminder today.
Life should be like a good cup of coffee: made with love, enjoyed while hot, full of delicious flavour, and shared with someone we care about.
Thanks for reading!
If you enjoyed this article, feel free to share it on social media and spread some positivity, and join my newsletter.